Will I continue to wear my hijab (scarf) ???

It's somewhat of a beautiful day, it's a bit chilly because of the morning rains but bearable, there is something always refreshing after a night of rain, the sky is grey but the sun is fighting to shine threw, the air smells fresh and the sky continues to growl once in a while but overall it's pleasurable. I am sitting outside a cafe in Hollywood where there is a strong but sweet aroma of fresh espresso beans being roasted. With the gloomy weather I decided to wear a Bright teal and orange hijab and a multi color neck scarf. A lovely young couple from France just came up to me and asked me if I was Muslim and I cordially smiled and said yes, the lady continued on and told me that hijab suits me, I was a bit puzzled and then realized they were both Muslims (usually when Muslims ask me if I am Muslim it annoys me but not this time). They left me with a bright smile on my face. See for the past six-months I have been having this internal battle about whether I want to continue wearing my hijab, so I started experimenting, you know showing my neck and then gradually progressing to showing my bangs but it just dawned on me, what am I trying to accomplish? why not just take it off? I begun mumbling these question to myself over and over which suddenly drew the attention of folks around me I guess I looked like I was not all there but then this emotion overtook me and brought tears to my eyes, the thought of not wearing my hijab brought an ill sensation that overtook my whole body. Was I willing to discard my best friend for the past 15 years , the best friend who has seen it all with me, experienced it all with me, has seen my heart be broken, experienced my success, seen death and life with me, knows my most inner thoughts, desires, and fears. How could I do this to my hijab it has never questioned my faith, beliefs, or purpose once, rather it has always leaned itself as an inspiration and a motivation to me. My hijab has given me the utmost dignity, it has always protected me and has elevated me. My hijab has made me distinguish amongst others. My hijab has allowed me to break barrier lines in my carrier, my hijab has been with me as a fashion coordinator at BR, as a jewelry retailer at Nordstroms, a student, a recruiter for Teach For America, countless interns, a Program Director, a Political Campaign Manager, a Community Organizer, a Regional Political Organizer, but more importantly as a human, daughter, sister, and friend. My hijab has reminded me the beauty of this way of life God has endowed us with. My hijab accompanies me when I lay my head on the floor to converse with my Lord daily. My hijab has witnessed my sins but has never judged me but rather encouraged me to repent and grow as a human. My hijab forbids me to be subjected to ignorance rather it asserts my intellectual capacity. My hijab clearly lets men know I am not looking for games but something serious. My hijab has experienced being cursed out, flipped off and at times utter ignorance but it also has experienced the sweet words of being told how beautiful it is, it has experiences doors being held open, it has experienced smiles , winks, and slight head bows out of respect. See my hijab know it exuberates power, positivity, and humility. This hijab has reminded me of my origins and purpose when arrogance has seeped in. My hijab is a trend setter and a spiritual fashion statement. This hijab has inspired other hijabs to be worn in this movement. This hijab constantly reminds itself that is it not superior to hair but its equal. See my hijab is not an ordinary hijab it's a hijab with many names to reflect its worldliness some know it as a scarf, covering, hijab, khimar, dhupatha, aunce, shall, bufanda, sal, satek, halstørklæde, sjaal, bupanda, huivi, foulard, schal, syal, sciarpa, cachecol, and eşarp. This hijab has been with mankind since the first day breath was gasped, see this hijab will be buried with the last woman to exist. So this hijab is not something of the past, present, or future but it's absolute. See, my hijab knows it does not make me and I do not make it but we compliment one another. So I ask myself am I ready to turn my back on my best friend? And my answer is, how can one breath without a heart? how can one think without a brain? how can one walk without legs? how can one talk without a mouth? how can one see without eyes? how can one smell without a nose? how can one feel without hands? then how can I exist without my companion of this life?

She, I, Us, We=Revealing and trying understand her counterpart, Brothers!!!

I just got off the phone with one of my close friends and we were just talking about "THE" most hot topic known to the modern woman, Yes!! you are right we were talking about the opposite gender. See I know some may feel this topic is played or some just front as though they don't think about it, but c'mon lets be real for a minute, if you are a single Muslim woman in the west you are wondering like so many sisters, "what the hell is wrong with me? or better what the heck is going on, why can't I just find that right person?" Like so many sisters, there are times when all I think about in a sitting is wow, am I ever going to find that right one or is it really that wrong to talk to him, he is interested in Islam. Is it me or does it seem like all the eligible, brothers who have substance, integrity, and seriousness of finding their spiritual partner some how always end up being none Muslim or have barley hit puberty. Like so many sisters I have no problem finding a non Muslim brother, they some how just find me and lets not just dismiss them, some of these brother are AMAZING yes all CAPS, I have meet brothers who are like minded in so many ways, spiritual, educated, and don't want to be another statistic but want to do great things with their life and leave their stamp on this world but then it always comes down to, I really like you, you are wow there aren’t even words to explain it, I am attracted to you but see your spirit may be aligned with mine but I am looking for that person who is not in the present but in the future as well; see when I lay my head down on my pillow at night see I want to open my eyes and stare at you and see my next life as well; see when I wake up for fajr I don’t want to turn around seeing you laying down I want to see you desiring that same spiritual thirst of conversing with God; see when I have no more debt and mentally, physically, and spiritually ready I want to be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with you and experience tears rushing down our cheeks when our eyes both behold the magnificence of the Kabbah built by Abraham; see when I am feeling confusion and doubt I want you to understand where I am coming from and be at the same mindset of seeking out that spiritual thirst; see when it is time for me to embrace my motherhood and when our baby takes his/her first breath you are right there to whisper lovingly “There is no God but Allah”; see you may be amazing but for me I am looking for a spiritual companion who is neither in this life or the next but on a tranquil voyage searching for absolute serenity. ...

But you know what she is tired of having to repeat this script.

She is tired of floating in time wondering when will it be her time, she is tired of sounding like a broken record player saying it is naseeb, she is tired of going to weddings like a professional wedding hoper, she is tired of seeing her sisters hearts be broken and lying to them and telling them it will be okay,she is tired of talking to brothers who have no intention of marrying her, she is tired of telling him to stand up to his parents, she is tired of being played, she is tired of being told she is intimidating, she is tired of her parents asking her when she is going to get married, she is tired of thinking something is wrong with her, she is tired of telling her he needs to work on self, she is tired of being strong, she is tired of being too ambitious, she is tired of crying, she is tired of being indignant, she is tired of making excuses for him, she is tired of settling, she is tired of being friends and hoping for something more, she is tired of wishing why couldn’t he just be Muslims, she is tired of not voicing her fears and insecurities, she is tired of your sweet lines you stole from common-blackstar- and Goodie Mob, she is tired of being preyed on, she is tired of begging, she is tired of men loving her free spirit but wanting her to conform once they have jumped the broom, she is tired of being from a “different” ethnicity, she is tried of being mis-interpreted, she is tired of being told she is too picky, she is tired of wanting something amazing, she is tired of trying to find the love of her life, SEE SHE IS TIRED OF BEING TIRED...

She and I are one, see we as sisters have this metamorphic bond of being connected, making I become we, her becoming me, she becoming us. She is not trying to be disrespectful to brothers but she is trying to understand their being so she expresses who she is and reveals her innermost thoughts and emotions. She,us, and I have the same story, the same mind , the same thoughts, but he is somewhere in a different time. She is wondering does he think like she does, does he want what she wants, how do they get on at least the same page? She is unable to provide answers but she is eagerly willing and waiting to listen to him and decipher what his essence is....It has been 25 years waiting for the answer but she is patient, steadfast, and has become accustomed to struggle, that’s why they call her, I, you, us a Mujahida!!!

My dirty lil secret is going public

Materialism, it's a word I despise, a word that brings a shiver down my spine, it's a word that has made me choose my line of work, yet it is a word that knows me so well, a word that laughs at me daily, a word that knows my secrets. Materialism has been hunting me for years, see materialism has become an ideology that has some how seeped into my actions and being. But materialism is making my heart week and heavy, materialism has been haunting me in my dreams, it has become my dirty secret I have hidden in my closet, drawers, car trunk, bathroom, and virtually my room. So today I have decided to write a message to materialism and let it know that it has hung over my head too long and I am rejecting its intensity and its control over my mind and actions. Materialism, your alter ego shopping has plagued me too long. You have made me fault time after time. See your sweet whispers have lead me to loose control. I I still remember the first time we were introduced when I was in college and like a faithful leech you have been with me since. Yes, you are my secret that I am willing to expose, I am no longer scarred, because materialism I don't want you in my life anymore.

I still remember to this day when I was 18 and I opened you up in the mail, you were beautiful, you were all mine, your name was unique to me,Visa . I did not realize the powers you had but then I realized every time I grasped you in my hand and swiped you I felt this orgasmic sensation taking over my body, you quickly became my addiction so I wanted more of you and soon 7 more of your friends over the years found me, I carried them closely in my LV wallet that you purchased for me and I would attentively place you in my Gucci bag you so kindly gifted me. Every time I walked into a store, every time I was paid, received a gift, a scholarship, or loan you would quickly reward me with so many gifts, shoes, jewelry, books, bags, wallets, sunglasses, makeup, scarves, travelling, entertainment, food, you were like an elixir to me. You even went up in your worth from $500 each to $10,000, you even opened up the doors to retail cards. You took away all my pain, my insecurities and took me somewhere else far away, you were like an acid trip I could have anything I wanted but then.... you started to turn on me, first you were maxed out but then you were rejuvenated with a higher limit but then you were declined and then you were no more but a letter in a mail with a 1800 number. What happened? you abandoned me with my w 70 necklaces, 60 pairs of earrings, 30 rings, hundreds of bracelets, 130 hijabs, 70 pairs of shoes, more than a hundred dresses, and so many jackets, slacks, and shirt, you even left me with the nicest designer sunglasses, purses, and wallets, and I can not forget the laptops, new phones annually, and new ipods every 9 months but your biggest gift to me was the DEBT. Where were you when I needed you to take away that pain, that pain of being alone, that pain of needing something new, that pain of fearing to face myself....But when I searched frantically everywhere you were no where to be found...

So my old love I must be honest with you and let you know, I've cheated on you and I am abandoning you, I found someone who would love me and not leave me and I found this person when I looked in the mirror, I realized you had put a spell on me but I love myself too much to abandon me. See materialism it has been rough and I will not lie I have lapsed but in 4 more months you will no longer exist to me because I cost more then you can afford. See my old love, I want a bright future and I want a future for my future family and I want a future when I am no longer on this earth, I don't want you following me like a shadow.

So I must let you be, I must bury you, I must let you know I love you no more, I must let you know and not lie to you, this is the end of our story.....

Being Vulnerable Is Not Always a Weakness....I think?

Jameelah’s Rants, 15 minutes of writing without revision, whatever comes to the mind and heart….hope you enjoy…


This rant is very personal to me because for years I felt being vulnerable is something people avoid as much as possible it is seen as a sign weakness, defect, or lack of confidence for most of their life, it scarred me to open up as a human and expose my raw emotions, desires, and fears to another human being, without the fear of judgment or disdainment. Why one would expose their inner-thoughts, aren’t they just that, inner and not meant to be known to others. Merriam Webster describes being vulnerable as being open to physical and emotional wounds; open to moral attack, criticism, and temptation. So why would people think other wise of the concept of being vulnerable when time after time society has told us to be strong and not to reveal our emotions?

This past year has been an amazing year for me because for years I never addressed my inner feelings and thoughts because I did not want to appear weak to society. I was always seen as the girl who had it all together …but…I noticed there was something very limiting in my relationship with men and women a like. I never emptied my heart; I kept years of stress, disappointments, fears, desires, shame, and love, locked away in my heart. It took me the love, encouragement, and patience of one of my role models Sophia K. for me to realize the beauty of releasing the emotions in my heart and for me to come to understand that sometimes for self growth we have to be willing to be vulnerable. So I have been actively practicing opening up and the results have amazed me! The more I open up about my struggles, fears, and failures, the more others move towards me in support, understanding, and compassion.

I have learned that it's okay to openly express vulnerable emotions. And what enables us to feel safe in such situations is that we're not reactive to others' judgment. Contrary to conventional opinion, it may well take more courage to cry in public (especially if male) than to keep a stiff upper lip and self-protectively hide the sorrow we're experiencing.
By allowing ourselves to vent to highly charged emotions, we're conveying that we regard such emotions as legitimate and reasonable to express, even though we recognize that others might feel obliged to inhibit such expression.

I have found that many times in our relationships by opening up our feelings and emotions we are allowing that person into your life on a deeper level and allowing that person to connect with you emotionally because you are exposing something so personal and having trust in that person. Being open to exploring the emotions of being vulnerable is beautiful as long as one does not allow themselves to become a victim of their own emotions (which can be extremely hard because many times I have gotten caught up in my own sorrows, been depressed, and even been left out there to dry up with a broken heart.) Rather use these emotions/feelings/fears as something positive, as something you want to work on, something you want to grow from, and something you want to learn from.

25 Fascinating Love Facts

Some I believe to be true, others circumstantial, other myth, enjoy!!!

MSNBC posted 25 Fascinating Love Facts

1. Men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than those who don't.

2. People are more likely to tilt their heads to the right when kissing instead of the left (65 percent of people go to the right!)

3. When it comes to doing the deed early in the relationship, 78 percent of women would decline an intimate rendezvous if they had not shaved their legs or underarms.

4. Feminist women are more likely than other females to be in a romantic relationship.

5. Two-thirds of people report that they fall in love with someone they've known for some time vs. someone that they just met.

6. There's a reason why office romances occur: The single biggest predictor of love is proximity.

7. Falling in love can induce a calming effect on the body and mind and raises levels of nerve growth factor for about a year, which helps to restore the nervous system and improves the lover's memory.

8. Love can also exert the same stress on your body as deep fear. You see the same physiological responses — pupil dilation, sweaty palms, and increased heart rate.

9. Brain scans show that people who view photos of a beloved experience an activation of the caudate — the part of the brain involving cravings.

10. The women of the Tiwi tribe in the South Pacific are married at birth.

11. The "Love Detector" service from Korean cell phone operator KTF uses technology that is supposed to analyze voice patterns to see if a lover is speaking honestly and with affection. Users later receive an analysis of the conversation delivered through text message that breaks down the amount of affection, surprise, concentration and honesty of the other speaker.

12. Eleven percent of women have gone online and done research on a person they were dating or were about to meet, versus seven percent of men.

13. Couples' personalities converge over time to make partners more and more similar.

14. The oldest known love song was written 4,000 years ago and comes from an area between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers.

15. The tradition of the diamond engagement ring comes from Archduke Maximillian of Austria who, in the 15th century, gave a diamond ring to his fiancée, Mary of Burgundy.

16. Forty-three percent of women prefer their partners never sign "love" to a card unless they are ready for commitment.

17. People who are newly in love produce decreased levels of the hormone serotonin — as low as levels seen in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Perhaps that's why it's so easy to feel obsessed when you're smitten.

18. Philadelphia International Airport finished as the No. 1 best airport for making a love connection, according to an online survey.

19. According to mathematical theory, we should date a dozen people before choosing a long-term partner; that provides the best chance that you'll make a love match.

20. A man's beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.

21. Every Valentine's Day, Verona, the Italian city where Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet took place, receives around 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet.

22. When we get dumped, for a period of time we love the person who rejected us even more, says Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University and author of Why We Love. The brain regions that lit up when we were in a happy union continue to be active.

23. Familiarity breeds comfort and closeness … and romance.

24. One in five long-term love relationships began with one or both partners being involved with others.

25. OK, this one may not surprise you, but we had to share it: Having a romantic relationship makes both genders happier. The stronger the commitment, the greater the happiness!