Saturday, March 31, 2007

A Dose of Reality


So today my mom and cousin decided to remind me of who I am, or more so of what race I am. They were some how apparently concerned that I might be heading down a road of sorrow, that would lead to a broken heart. My mom is particularly worried about me meeting a guy who I grow deeply fond of and vice versa but his parents opposing our relationship not because I am from a different country or a mix back ground, but because I am black!!! This has always been a fear and a concern of mine that I have tried to learn how to suppress.

I always deeply believed that my color of my skin does not matter as long as I am a good human. But time after time, time proves something different. This dawned on me the other day when an 'Aunty' had come up to me and said, "You are very pretty for a Black Girl." I was taken back by that comment, was I suppose to take that as a compliment? What are Black girls not meant to be pretty? That comment shows the ignorance and racism deeply embedded in the minds of many Muslims. Why does black always carry a negative connotation?

Speaking from personal experience, there was this brother who was interested in me and pursued me for years, he was from (lets change the country for identity purposes) Tajikistan. Everything seemed well and dandy after we worked so many of the little kinks out, he came over and had dinner with me and my mom frequently. However, when it came time for me to meet his parents who I was waiting eagerly to meet after speaking to them many times over the phone. This brother became hesitant all of sudden, I was confused why, everything seemed to be going smoothly, until he told my mom and myself that he never told his parents I was black. I felt ill to my stomach as he uttered those words, I was no longer focusing on what he was saying but rather what it all meant. He knew his parents would be against our marriage so he waited as long as possible before he would be "forced" to introduce me to his parents. At first I couldn't believe it, I told him there is no way his parents would oppose due to my color, since after all I spoke to them on the phone many times and they loved me. But when he did call his parents and told them my background, well lets just say they said tell her bye if you want to be apart of this family. I was devastated how could this family claim to be so religious yet deny someone because of their race? I was physically and emotionally drained at the fact that this brother was not willing to stand up to his parents, rather he conceded and walked away from the possibilities between us. I know I should be saying Alhumdulilah but this dilemma has followed me many times out. For some reason my race has held a constant presence over who I am.

I even think about how many of my friends families would actually be okay if their daughter or son brought a black brother or sister home to them. The sad part is 99% would not be okay with it. But why??? Why are so many families who are in the deen and claim to be open minded are afraid of having a black son or daughter-in-law. It deeply hurts my spirits when I think about this because this is a dose of reality reminding me that, these ppl I cherish would not accept me in their families...

I guess my mom and cousin were right when they warned me to be aware that it will be a trying point in my life, that will have its ups and downs, if I want to marry someone out of my race. But does that mean I am going to succumb that easily and give up? No way, we as humans have not attempted to progress this far and not touch down on the issues of racism in the Muslim community. I challenge those who oppose interracial marriages and I piety those individuals who are not willing to stand up to their parents for the one they care for and possibly love.

God’s Messenger came with the Divine Message and proclaimed that no Arab is superior over a non-Arab, and no white is superior over black and superiority is by righteousness and God-fearing alone (sura al-Hujurat, 49.13). He also declared that even if an Abyssinian black Muslim were to rule over Muslims, he should be obeyed . God’s Messenger eradicated the problem of racial or colour discrimination so successfully that, for example, ‘Umar once said of Bilal: ‘Bilal is our master, and was emancipated by our master Abu Bakr’. Zayd ibn Haritha was a black slave. God’s Messenger emancipated him and, before the banning of adoption by the Qur’an, adopted him. He married him to Zaynab bint Jahsh, one of the noblest women of the Muslim community.

And plus mixed kids are always cute and get to have the best of both worlds!!!

11 comments:

Unknown said...

Inshallah may Allah swt. help you find that special someone who respects you for who you are and isnt some little scrub boy that comes from a backwards jahil family....Just leave everything to Allah swt. and Im sure he has a lifetime of love, companionship, and happiness inn your naseeb.

Jamool's Delusions said...

I hope you don't think this blog was meant to be sad, it wasn't it was a blessing...plus Alhumdulilah everything happens for a reason and I am not worried bc I know Allah has all under his control....thanks billo

Ideal_muslimah said...

Salam Sister

First off MASHALLAHH you are absolutely gorgeous no doubt about that at all. Keep making Dua to Allah and Inshallah itll all work out for you .And whatever ALLAH has written for you that will happen no matter what. I read your other post about the brothers and marriage and it is true brothers nowadays dnt put the work in actively luking for a wife till late in age. And yeah its hard to find a decent luking practising brother. Well i wear my abaya and everything but still take care of maself and try luking gud just in the halal limits so its nuthing wrong to luk good as long as the balance is met islamically like you cant really wear stilettos and too much makeup with the abaya but you cant find a balance!

Ideal_muslimah said...

Salam Sister

First off MASHALLAHH you are absolutely gorgeous no doubt about that at all. Keep making Dua to Allah and Inshallah itll all work out for you .And whatever ALLAH has written for you that will happen no matter what. I read your other post about the brothers and marriage and it is true brothers nowadays dnt put the work in actively luking for a wife till late in age. And yeah its hard to find a decent luking practising brother. Well i wear my abaya and everything but still take care of maself and try luking gud just in the halal limits so its nuthing wrong to luk good as long as the balance is met islamically like you cant really wear stilettos and too much makeup with the abaya but you cant find a balance!

Anonymous said...

hi jamileh
I was glad to know u
ur moslem & i am moslem too
so we have lotse of thigs in common

Anonymous said...

sorry i was forget to write my name & my blog to you for readind

Anonymous said...

i love you jameelah shukri

Umm Belaal said...

salams jameelah...didn't know you had a blog. just came across this.
i know its sad...even when not dealing with marriage, just other stereotypes and assumptions. i hope i can raise belaal to look past people's races and be a true reflection of what a muslim is supposed to be

(btw...is this the same guy that was in the pix like 4 years ago?)

Jamool's Delusions said...

nope maryam...

Unknown said...

WAKE UP! to those individuals who cannot see past blind spots, they have inducted into AL Islam. The American struggle is a whole different nutshell from what anyone ever experienced. This melting pot holds all the world's issues in one place, on one land; as Jameelah spelled out in this blog the answers have been revealed to us through Quran and Hadith. The only ones who recognizes these lessons are the ones who Allah favors to recognize - whether black, white, brown, poke-a-dot, stripe or plaid.
Make dua, "O'Allah should our family and community social ills contradict Islam, please guide into a more righteous way of thinking, to please You and You alone." Amin

Anonymous said...

I love looking at interracial couples. Especially the ones where the woman is black and the man lighter skinned.

My nephew who is 5 and dark skinned has been in a state of denial since he could speak. He claims he is english which invariably means he isnt so happy with his color. So Im guessing he wouldnt find dark women attractive :)

Innocence in the Making

Innocence in the Making