A Dose of Reality

So today my mom and cousin decided to remind me of who I am, or more so of what race I am. They were some how apparently concerned that I might be heading down a road of sorrow, that would lead to a broken heart. My mom is particularly worried about me meeting a guy who I grow deeply fond of and vice versa but his parents opposing our relationship not because I am from a different country or a mix back ground, but because I am black!!! This has always been a fear and a concern of mine that I have tried to learn how to suppress.

I always deeply believed that my color of my skin does not matter as long as I am a good human. But time after time, time proves something different. This dawned on me the other day when an 'Aunty' had come up to me and said, "You are very pretty for a Black Girl." I was taken back by that comment, was I suppose to take that as a compliment? What are Black girls not meant to be pretty? That comment shows the ignorance and racism deeply embedded in the minds of many Muslims. Why does black always carry a negative connotation?

Speaking from personal experience, there was this brother who was interested in me and pursued me for years, he was from (lets change the country for identity purposes) Tajikistan. Everything seemed well and dandy after we worked so many of the little kinks out, he came over and had dinner with me and my mom frequently. However, when it came time for me to meet his parents who I was waiting eagerly to meet after speaking to them many times over the phone. This brother became hesitant all of sudden, I was confused why, everything seemed to be going smoothly, until he told my mom and myself that he never told his parents I was black. I felt ill to my stomach as he uttered those words, I was no longer focusing on what he was saying but rather what it all meant. He knew his parents would be against our marriage so he waited as long as possible before he would be "forced" to introduce me to his parents. At first I couldn't believe it, I told him there is no way his parents would oppose due to my color, since after all I spoke to them on the phone many times and they loved me. But when he did call his parents and told them my background, well lets just say they said tell her bye if you want to be apart of this family. I was devastated how could this family claim to be so religious yet deny someone because of their race? I was physically and emotionally drained at the fact that this brother was not willing to stand up to his parents, rather he conceded and walked away from the possibilities between us. I know I should be saying Alhumdulilah but this dilemma has followed me many times out. For some reason my race has held a constant presence over who I am.

I even think about how many of my friends families would actually be okay if their daughter or son brought a black brother or sister home to them. The sad part is 99% would not be okay with it. But why??? Why are so many families who are in the deen and claim to be open minded are afraid of having a black son or daughter-in-law. It deeply hurts my spirits when I think about this because this is a dose of reality reminding me that, these ppl I cherish would not accept me in their families...

I guess my mom and cousin were right when they warned me to be aware that it will be a trying point in my life, that will have its ups and downs, if I want to marry someone out of my race. But does that mean I am going to succumb that easily and give up? No way, we as humans have not attempted to progress this far and not touch down on the issues of racism in the Muslim community. I challenge those who oppose interracial marriages and I piety those individuals who are not willing to stand up to their parents for the one they care for and possibly love.

God’s Messenger came with the Divine Message and proclaimed that no Arab is superior over a non-Arab, and no white is superior over black and superiority is by righteousness and God-fearing alone (sura al-Hujurat, 49.13). He also declared that even if an Abyssinian black Muslim were to rule over Muslims, he should be obeyed . God’s Messenger eradicated the problem of racial or colour discrimination so successfully that, for example, ‘Umar once said of Bilal: ‘Bilal is our master, and was emancipated by our master Abu Bakr’. Zayd ibn Haritha was a black slave. God’s Messenger emancipated him and, before the banning of adoption by the Qur’an, adopted him. He married him to Zaynab bint Jahsh, one of the noblest women of the Muslim community.

And plus mixed kids are always cute and get to have the best of both worlds!!!